How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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