i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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