Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
