4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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