why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
