my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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