I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
