Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
