mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Randomize
