she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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