My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
