Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
