i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
