YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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