i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
