community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
This baby is an asshole
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize