So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
