I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
