i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
