we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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