I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
