he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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