guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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