he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize