SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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