they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
