At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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