Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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