i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
