You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
