Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
