Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
