The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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