Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
