Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have feelings that need drinking.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
