you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
