Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
