LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you inspire me to be a worse person
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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