As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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