Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
