So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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