went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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