Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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