So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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