what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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