i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
