Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
