first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
