then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize