I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
