I wannas sexs uuuuu
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
