i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
