The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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