Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
