I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
40s are totally the cure
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
