please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
