hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
