I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
