my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
