Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize