the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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