Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
so much tequila, so little girl.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
