There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
