wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
