I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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